My heart is gone. He's gone. I can't believe he's gone.

I keep trying to wake up from this awful nightmare, for the last 8 years that was his job. I never trained him to do it, he just knew I needed him and would lick my face until I woke up. He would put his head on my pillow and his leg around me (which I knew was a sacrifice because he always wanted to be the little spoon) and help me go to back sleep. Loving you has changed my life. It should come as no surprise that losing you has done the same.

I went to sleep last night and you weren't there to kiss me goodnight and snuggle in next to me. I opened my eyes this morning and you weren't there to greet me with a thorough kissing with your sandpapery, humongous tongue as if you hadn't seen me in a long time and didn't spend the night by my side.

With all the love, loyalty, and laughs you gave me, you forgot to teach me how to live without you...

Pretty words can't even begin to express the amount of love we shared. I was his person, although he loved everyone and he was my heart. I'm thankful Eric didn't let me name him Helo or Sanka, because Gusto Tenderheart was the perfect name for him. My mama's boy, Gus Gus, Gus, Gussy, LPG (little puppy guy), PG-13, Bubba, mommy's good boy, the bestest puppy who ever puppied, Chocolate Thunder.

Gusto was born right at the same time we had to say goodbye to Josie. I knew I wanted a puppy from his litter and as the trainer for the rescue, I basically got first choice. Everyone told me not to pick him because he was the cutest out of the 12. I tried so hard, but he passed all my tests and kept racing his siblings to get to my lap first. He chose me and spent the next 8 years sitting in my lap, until his last breath. It was like the universe drew us together and knew we were meant for one another. He knew.

- he stayed in bed with me for a month when I had a concussion

- he went everywhere with me after that for awhile, he calmed me when the lights and sounds of grocery shopping got too much

- he liked to eat the extra fluff off of Echo like he was cotton candy

- the way he was the best helper dog in reactive dog classes

- the best demo dog

- the special way and determination he had to get non-dog people to love him too

- green beans and cucumbers were his absolute favorite

- he made me laugh every single day

- he made me feel safe by always having my back either by walking against my leg facing the other direction when people were following me or by breaking down bathroom doors because I screamed over a really big spider

- he ALWAYS had to ride shotgun, which meant Eric had to sit in the back

- he literally stopped traffic multiple times when he was in the car with me

- he loved everyone, but especially dudes, and even would go looking for Black guys in stores because they always told him he was a good boy

- he would pathetically lay on his stair landing staring at the door waiting for me to come home

- when I did come home he would run out and do his happy little circle dance for me

- I would have to walk outside on the deck every night so he could stare at me while he peed, he wouldn't go for anyone else

- his ears were the softest and the perfect length to twirl in my fingers

- his silly little trot

- the way he nudged my hand when he wanted more pets

- the way his tail curled and we always joke it was his 2% mini poodle

- the way he gently took your whole hand in his mouth when took treats and simply waited for the treat to drop on his tongue

- whenever I sat on the floor and he took it as meaning he had to back his booty up and use me as a chair

- the way he loved unconditionally and without restraint

- his big ole head and his beautiful eyes that always looked and touched a special piece of my soul.

- my twin flame

- and so many more....

If loving you would have saved you, you would have lived forever. And forever still never would be enough time with you.

Until we meet again...